Tales of Boob Squad
by LavenderNight67
Summary: a series of shorts about the fireteam who does nothing but goofing off and basically doing nothing. I mean, everyone has those rookie moments, right? (based off actual gameplay... mostly)
1. Sudden Drop Ahead

AA/N:  
Just wanted to introduce the main characters, and also to say that the first two chapters of this are actual events from the game.

The players:

Altaira Rediston aka "Red" - Warlock class - human, female

Amari Quentin aka "Quantum" - Titan class - human, female

Avaria Lavik aka "Lavender" - Hunter class - human, female (myself)

"Come on Lavender, hurry up!"

Three sparrows zoomed across the dusty lunar landscape. The first two sped ahead, up a set of rocks and around A group of fallen hive, including one Knight fired dozens of energy bolts at them as they sped past. But then, there were other Gaurdians out here that could take care of them. These three were on a specific mission of their own.

Avaria Lavick (aka Lavender), Altaira Rediston (aka Red) and Amari Quentin (aka Quantum) had been called to the moon to investigate a Fallen site where the Hive was supposedly doing... well, something or another to hurt the traveller. Lavender hadn't been paying much attention in the meeting.

Then again, she wasn't paying attention now.

"OhCrap!" The Hunter slammed on her brakes when she rounded a corner and what seemed like twenty or so Fallen were grouped together, growling and hissing. They turned towards her.

One yelled something in their guttural, alien language.

"OhCrapOhCrapOhCrap."

Lavender backed up her sparrow and tried to turn around before a dozen or so more shots pinged off her armor and bike. She sped a little bit in the other direction, wondring how her companions had gotten around the hive so easily. Then she spotted the rocks.

She gunned her engine and aimed for the angled boulder just to the right of the Knight.

The sparrow made contact and the shriek of metal on rock echoed behind her as the Hunter went airborn. She let off the throttle a little to turn down the winding path without hitting the canyon walls, then replied "Hang on, I'm coming!"

she hit the turbo-boost, and realised as she made the tight turn left there was a low barrier. And a drop off.

AAAUGH DANGIT YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY, AGAIN!"

both the others were laughing at her, she just knew it.

As she reappeared, she gave them both a glare through her helmet. The Titan shook his head. "Rookie."

"Shut up, Quantum."

"That's, like, the third time this week you've done that."

"Shut up, Red."

As she summoned her sparrow and sped ahead of them, she could be heard muttering "They should put up a sign or something."

Quantum cut in with "What, falling Rookies ahead"

"Ha Ha. Very funny."

Red suggested "They could put in a stoplight."

"Do those even exist anymore?"

Lavender sighed. "I was thinking something that read "sudden drop ahead."

End Notes:

This actually happened in several moon missions. And not just in low characters. Hey, everyone can have off-days, right? 


	2. Ballsy

Ah, the cosmodrome. Nothing like doing a patrol in a crazy deteriorating building that you swear was designed to be a maze. Oh yeah, and then there's the crap-ton of Fallen in that big open space between buildings.

"Hey, where's Lavender?"

Red's voice cut across the open space. "I dunno. I think we lost her."

Behind them, Lavender sighed.

Yes, for the umpteenth time now. Why was she so far behind them? Well like I said before. Maze.

She turned her sparrow to the left in the darkness.

Wham!

"nope, that's a wall. Dangit!"

to the right.

"clunk."

"Grrrrrr!"

She slowly floated the vehicle backwards into the room she had just been in and turned left. There was a faint light. Maybe.  
she could see Red and Quantum on her HUD, but had gotten turned around after the two boost-happy gaurdians had sped out of sight.

"Aha!" she finally reached the door and glided through it. Red and Quantum were off to her right fighting a servitor. To her left, well, left, right, in front of her, thank goodness none were behind her. A crap-ton of Fallen lay between them and the doorway to the next building. Lavender pulled out her auto-rifle as the other two finished with their current target.

Servitor defeated, the trio focused on the horde. Quantum ran forward and punched the closest thrall in the face. It screamed as it flew back, disintegrating. Red launched herself into the air, gathering a dark orb of energy and hurled it at a group of vandals, sending them flying.

Unfortunately, as soon as one group was defeated, it seemed more appeared. Lavender knew there was no way to snipe this many Fallen. And even in a match of knife-against-guns, it would still be a losing battle. Only one thing left to do.

I mean, there were other gaurdians doing patrols nearby, right?

Summoning her sparrow, Lavender took aim and gunned it.

Quantum hooted "Come on Red, lets go get 'em! Lets go be as balsy as Lavender."

Unfortunately, he said that just as Lavender finished crossing the courtyard PAST all the fallen and into the door of the building. Only-

WHAM!

it wasn't the door.

And the front of her sparrow was now smoking from the impact.

"Crap."

She hopped off the hover-bike to inspect it when a shadow suddenly loomed over her.

She whirled to find herself face to face with a Fallen Captain.

"Oh-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence.

Two seconds later, Lavender reappeared, looking around quickly. She didn't find any Fallen, but unfortunately realised she was back in the building she had just been in.

"Aw crap."

Quantum's voice came trhrough her comm. "you okay?"

"fine. I just got one-shotted by a Captain. Again."

Red's voice followed, amusement coloring it. "Yeah, but you should of seen how far you flew up in the air."

"Ugh."

The Hunter summoned her sparrow once more, confident she was wasn't going to get lost.

She hit the boost, rounded a corner and

Clunk!

"REALLY!"

faint laughter could be heard in her comm. 


	3. Table Dancers

A/N: This was inspired by an actual in-game incident involving my friends and my characters, a little bit of beer (mine, not theirs), and a whole lot of boredom.

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"Well, guess we'd better go check in." Red sighed.

"yep, I gotta talk to Zavala." Quantum shifted her weapon a little on her back and the three headed down the steps to the meeting hall where the Vangaurd leaders could allways be found. Only this time... They weren't. The three exchanged looks.

"Wait, did I miss another announcement about training excercises again?" Lavender asked.

"I didn't get one." Quantum replied.

"Maybe we just weren't on the roster this time." Red explained. "I mean, there are probably hundreds of Gaurdians here, right?"

Quantum and Lavender made noises of agreement.

"Sooo... Lavender walked into the now-empty space, looking around idly. "Do we wait for them, ooooor ..." she thought for a second "Go climb that tree in the courtyard again?"

Quantum walked past her. "I think we should wait for them, I mean, how long can it be, right?"

Lavender shrugged.

Red sat on the edge of the table next to Ikora's chair. Lavender waltzed over and flopped into Cayde's chair, propping both feet up on the table, ankles crossed. Both of the other gasped.

"What are you doing!? That's Cayde's chair!?"

"Yeeeaaah, and?" Lavender looked over at her. "He's not here." she shrugged.

Red shook her head, but a smile had started to curve it's way around Quantum's lips. She strode over and sat stiffly in Zavala's seat. Resisting the urge to laugh, she tried to make her voice sound as deep as possible.

"Im commander zavala and I NEVER smile! you must be brave and strong and boring Gaurdians!"

Red and Lavender Chuckled.

"And if you do anything wrong I will get very very mad!"

all three burst into laughter.

"But really guys, they could be back any minute." Red grinned. She paused for a second, then added "So if we decide to have real fun, guess we'd better do it before they get back!" Red jumped up and started dancing.

Lavender grinned and started doing the cabbage patch. Quantum was doing the running man behind the commander's chair.

Deciding to upstage everyone, Red jumped up on the command table. "Woo hey, look at me, I'm a table dancer!"

"Hey yeah, me too!" Lavender joined her, doing a sort of side-to-side cha-cha variant.

Quantum jumped up, papers went flying. He glanced back. "Hope the commander didn't need those."

Red switched to doing the macarena.

"This is so much fun!" Lavender did the club dance as she exclaimed "Man, we would be in so much trouble if the leaders saw us!"

Just as the trio walked in.

Unfortunately, the 'Table Dancers' had their backs turned to the door.

Zavala spoke first.

"just WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE LIGHT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

All three FROZE.

Somewhere in the North tower, a cleaning drone stopped and turned in the direction of the thundering voice for a second, then went back to it's job.

All three women turned slowly, and Lavender whispered "go to orbit, go to orbit!"

The trio held their hands behind their backs as their ghosts appeared.

One of the ghosts muttered "You've really done it now."

"Hush, you!" Lavender whispered.

Ikora folded her arms, looking vVERY angry. "Explain yourselves."

The three dissapeared into orbit

Redstone facepalmed-well helmet-palmed, really. "We are so exiled."

Lavender sighed. "Well, guess it's time for more patrols."

"Awwwwww!" the other two whined.

The three ships went into warp.

~the end

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A/N.

The actual incident DID involve table dancing, but the vangaurd leaders were NOT absent, which made it even funnier, and also a little wierd at the very end.

But Quantum sitting down (and practically curling up in Zavala's lap) made it super-funny to me. And.. no, I did no t do that myself... I mean with th Cayde. That WOULD be wierd... or... awkward. Or something. Okay, I'm just going to stop talking now.

Bye! 


	4. Missed it by -That- Much

The old cosmodrome. Again.

Only this time Cayde sends the team after one of his old stashes. No big deal. Until I realise I have to go up a VERY tall tower, about four flights of stairs up further, then jump up to the top of the tower onto scaffolding and -wait- I didn't tell you that I REALLY don't like heights, did i.

So, yeah.

THEN, this bridge things attached to the tower starts moving and I'm like "Great, finally." I go to step onto the bridge, the other end makes contact with the spaceship or whatever it is and promptly breaks off.

Great.

So now I have to run to the end and jump. At least the room over there is empty.

Until I reach it. Four thralls, others warping in behind them.

Oh joy.

Out comes the knife and I smile to myself. That's how that gets handled.

I discover the other end of the room leads up to a narrowish curved peice of metal. Which also leads out around OUTSIDE the ship.

"Oh crap." I say to myself. "Just don't look down."

unfortunately, my teammates also tell me that.

"Don't look down"

"shut up, Quantum."

"Hey Lavender"

"what?"

Don't look down"

"Bite me, Red."

I reach the end and hop on over to the next platform. Easy, peasy, right?

Wrong.

Now there's an even longer jump to the open door over there.

I have to wonder, how DID Cade even find this place? and why pick THIS death trap for a stash location? I mean, the Fallen can get up here, that's glaringly obvious. So it's not really safe, right?

I decide standing here whining about it isn't going to get me anywhere, so I clear my head, mentally prepare, and run forward, doing a beautiful double jump.

And I jumped too high.

I run headfirst into the I-beam over the door.

Ouch.

And as I fall I see the platform go whizzing past.

I curse under my breath.

"Dangit!"

I respawn.

"OH ever-loving Dangit All!"

I'm back on that pathetic excuse for a bridge.

And oh look, here come more 'playmates' as well.

Another jump, some fighting later, and I'm back up that infernal ramp. I REALLY REALLY don't like heights now.

Not to mention the rest of my team is standing there, chuckling at me under their breath.

But we agreed that I was going to go first on this mission.

I idly wonder if they knew about this part in advance.

So I inch forward, leap to the next platform and MISS!

WHAT!?

I facepalm on the way down.

"Ghost, bring me back again." I sigh mentally.

Another run across the bridge (I'm starting to get just a little irked now), go through the undead dark whtever-they're called again (I'm too tired of doing this to bother thinking) and inch up that stupid shiny (oh geez, I think I'm going blind from the sun's glare!) strip of metal.  
I take a deep breath and control my jump. So far, so good.

I run and do a double jump, timing my second just a tiny bit earlier. I come down nicely and...

Metal to the midsection HURTS!

I try breathlessly to yell in anger as I fall feet first into the cloudy abyss below.

"Missed it by that much." I mutter as my ghost brings me back.

THIS time I run- jump as I'm launching grenades at the stupid fallen army, run past the one last thrall that really isn't worth my time anymore because I REALLY want to get this stupid mission OVER WITH.

Plus I'm pretty sure someone will eventualy get up here and patrol this thing and kill that last Thrall, right?

right.

I make it to the last platform, hope like heck I can get over there without hitting anything (I'm lookin' at you, door!)

I back up, run, double jump, and what's this? to my complete and utter suprise, my feet actually hit the platform. To my complete and utter un-suprised there's a freakin kerHUGE cabal standing RIGHt there with a big square shield that sends me flying back out the door and right off the platform.

"SERIOUSLY!? Are you FREAKING REALLY KIDDING ME!?"

Red chuckles "You want me to go kill that thing for you?"

"YES! PLEASE!"

as I respawn in, I hiss out my favorite line of failure and go stomping back towards where I'm supposed to be.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Missed it by -THAT- much!"

End Notes:

This actually happened with a different character than this one, well, with this one too, but still.

Also, my character was a level 33 when this happened.

And no, it's not my first character. 


	5. The Intro

A/N: A short peice on how Avaria became a Gaurdian.

"Eyes up, gaurdian!"

she woke with a start. "What the heck?"

Something... A tiny, what looked like a very pointy orb hovered just in front of her. "Yeeeeek!"  
The girl let out a squeal of fright and scrambled back. The... whatever it was hovered closer slowly, it's... eye? looked around, as though afraid.

"I'm a ghost. well, your ghost." It hovered a moment before adding "You've been dead a very long time, so... there might be a lot of things you don't understand."

She looked around. She seemed to be in the ancient remains of some sort of city. But she couldn't remember. Anything. Off in the distance, a roar of some kind sounded.

Her 'Ghost' or whatever it was whirled, then turned back to her quickly. "They've found us. We need to move. I didn't bring you back just to have you die again." It whizzed towars her, then seemed to fragment and disappear. It's voice then sounded almost inside of her ear, startling her again. "I'm still with you."

a moment's hesitation then, "get moving!"

She couldn't remember who she was or why she was here, wherever here was, but whatever that sound was, she didn't want to face it. She stumbled to her feet, and started moving towards what looked like the ancient remains of an old building.

Her Ghost sounded again in her ear. "There should be an airfield 5 files south of here." She stopped when she reached a dilapilated wall. "And how the heck am I suppoed to walk five miles?"

The Ghost made a bleeping noise, then "don't worry, I'm sure you can make it."

"Yeah, in, like, two hours." Avaria sighed.

Her ghost happily replied "My estimation is fourty five minutes, twenty seven seconds."

Avaria sighed. Loudly.

An hour later, Avaria trudged onto the tarmac of the old shipyard. She looked up and whistled. "Wow, I've never seen this before."

"Really? weren't you alive during the golden age?"

"Ummm, no."

"Hmm, interesting."

"Interesting? That's all you can say?" A bit of annoyance crept into her voice.

"Well, I *was* searching for you for a *very* long time."

"Yeeeah, okay." "Let's just get out of here." She was tired from all the walking. No time to argue with the little pointy ball now.

"We need to find you a ship..." The ghost floated off, scanning this ship and that, until it finaly exclaimed "Aha!"

Avaria summoned what energy she had left after the miles-long trip and jogged up.

It was a spaceship.

A Spaceship!

"Whuuuuut!?"

The ghost ignnored her, floating up to scan it. "It seems to be fully functional..."

"Wait, a spaceship? what the... Since when do people just.. go to space!?"

It ignored her some more while doing that strange phasey thing where it passed through objects. Avaria started to back away. Aliens AND spaceships, she didn't like this.

"Am I dreaming?"

The ghost waited a half a second before reponding "No, I assure you that you are not." It continued to do.. whatever it was doing. The reddish-blonde looked up at the ship, about to tell it "Yeah, that's just what a dream would say" when the ship sputtered to life.

As if that weren't startling enough, the roar from earlier sounded much closer, and a big huge ugly... Thing with four arms climbed over the skeleton of one of the ships.

"Oh CRAP."

Avaria eyed the creature and it's two smaller minions, taking a step back. But before she could insult the alien orb-thing, whatever it was that had gotten her into this situation, it transmatted her into the ship.

"It won't break orbit, but at least it can fly. I just hope it can get us back to the city."

"Great. So if I'm not killed by big bad 'n ugly back there I get to die in an explosion at fifty-thousand feet. Fan-fricken-tastic. thanks."

The ghost, floating next to her, turned to her "I know you are a little bit confused just now, but there is no need to be insulting."

Avaria gave it a sidelong glance. "sorry, I'm just, you know, trying to get used to being dead for over a hundred or so years then getting brought back by an alien something-or-another. but, I guess you'll explain all that to me later?"

"No, the speaker wil."

"the who?"

"the... oh, nevermind."

the ship went into warp.

As they descended through the thick clouds, the top of a large building came into view. On the uppermost level, towers and even trees became visible. Avaria whistled and leaned forward to get a better view. It glided in, coming to a stop to hover just above the center of the open space, and the ghost transmatted her down. It set the ship's auto-pilot before appearing next to her. The ship glided up to the hangar.

"Welcome to the last safe city on Earth... The only place the traveler can still protect." it said.

Avaria turned to look in the same direction, and there was a huge, white orb floating in the sky.

"it took centuries to build. Now, we're counting every day it stands."

"huh?" came the intellegent reply. It sounded like her ghost sighed. Then it started to explain.

"Several hundred years ago, the traveler came to this planet. That was the beginning of the golden age. Great cities were built on Venus and Mars. Mercury became a garden world, and human lifespans tripled."

"Bummer. And I missed it."

Her Ghost continued. "But the Traveler had an enemy. The darkness that had followed it across space, chasing it for so long." The little white... thing made a bleeping sound before continuing, almost regretfully, "The darkness destroyed everything."

Avaria looked into the distance and bit her lip. Everything, all known civilization, it was gone.

She finally said "Well, except for the city, right?" She looked at her ghost. It beeped, as though that were a reply, and flew over her shoulder heading behind her.

Instead of voicing all the questions she had running through her head, millions of them, she turned to take in this tower she had been deposited on top of (and probably marooned, where had that ship gone to, anyway?)

"This tower is where the Gaurdians live." her ghost told her. She looked around, going up the small set of steps into the courtyard. Her ghost made that beeping noise, then said "The Gaurdians are the protectors of the City. They seek out and destroy the darkness, so the Traveler can be healed."

"Wait, so this..." she motion to the orb "Big white ball is some sort of living thing."

"mm..yes, and no." another beep.

The ghost paused, then said "I think you should go talk to the speaker."

She looked around. "ooookay, which way?"

"Head to the north tower."

Avaria gave her ghost a look.

"Oh, right." The ghost did that scatter-thing, and said in her ear "there." A square popped up in her field of vision, off to her left. "Now you should be able to find it."

She jogged towards the hall leading in that direction.

When she rounded the last bend in the hall, it opened up into another open space, fenced off, with a stairs going up to the left. Her locator showed she was supposed to go to the cylindrical section seperated from the terrace by a walkway.

A large... scanner thing, she wasn't sure what it was, was moving back and forth, generating a grid outline of some sort of orb. She guessed it was some kind of representation of that Traveler thing floating over the city.

Behind her, a deep voice sounded. "Greetings, Gaurdian."

She turned and started, backing up a step. A figure in white with black accents, some sort of robe and a really freaky looking mask that just screamed "Alien!" had been standing on the stairs behind her.

"I did not mean to startle you." He said politely. "I am the speaker."

She just nodded wordlessly. How much stranger would this dream get? (She had the funny and awful feeling at the same time that it really wasn't a dream, it was probably just her brain trying to deal with the post-Apocalyptic world she had just been dropped into.

a small part of her was angry, really. The saying was supposed to go "Life sucks, then you die." not "Life Sucks then you die then you get brought back AFTER the friggin world ended to keep it from ending AGAIN and miss all the good parts (like the Golden age) in-between.

She just wanted to throw herself off the edge of this tower.

But, she had been given a purpose. A small part of her wanted to cheer "Hey look at me, I'm a superhero!" but enough of that thinking crap, right? she just wanted to get this over with and go have a beer somewhere.

The machine clicked off and the curved bars of the gyroscopic contraption slid to the sides, giving her a clearer view of the Traveler floating out over the city. The Speaker continued as he walked down the steps.

"There was a time when we were much more powerful. But that was long ago."

More powerful than what?, Avaria wondered.

"Until it wakes and finds it's voice, I am the one who speaks for the traveler."

He walked towards the Traveler as he continued.

"You must have no end of questions, Gaurdian."

He didn't see as she nodded vigorously behind him.

"In it's dying breath, the Traveler created the ghosts..." Hers whizzed past, up towards the hologram, looked at it with what seemed to be sadness. Or possibly hope. It's little eye-thing flitted back and forth, as though searching for some hint of activity. But there was none.

"to seek out those who can wield it's light, as a weapon."

Avaria turned and glanced at him...it?. What was going on? and if there was a battle going on, she wasn't sure she could just go out and start fighting these... whatever they were. He continued, oblivious to her internal dialogue.

"Gaurdians, to protect us. And do what the traveler itself no longer can."

Her ghost floated back to hover next to her.

"What happened to it?" she asked.

"I could tell you of the great battle centuries ago. How the traveler was crippled." The speaker took a few more steps slowly forward. Avaria followed, curious now. "I could tell you of the power of the darkness. Its ancient enemy. There are many tales told throughout the city to frighten children. Lately those tales have stopped." he halted.

"Now, the children are frightened anyway."

Yep. Cue apocalypse number two. Drat.

She looked at the floor. Whatever was going on, there was a real struggle. Humankind had been driven to the brink of extinction, yet somehow, mysteriously, survived. Now that group was -no-, HAD been developing this fighting force to push back against whatever was trying to kill off the last remainders of humanity.

The speaker turned to face her and stated "the Darkness is coming back."

It was like a punch to the gut. She couldn't just sit back and let everyone, herself included, die.

"We will not survive it this time."

she wanted to say "Only if it can get to us", but left that unspoken. Her ghost said "It's armies surround us. The Fallen are just the beginning."

Oh, so there WERE aliens after all. oh joy. Not.

This was NOT gonna fly. She knew she had to do *something*. Whatever she could. Determination crept into her mind. Fight. Survive. Win.

"What can I do?"

The speaker walked towards her. "You must push back the darkness. Gaurdians are fighting on Earth and beyond."

She turned to look at it.

"I only hope he chose wisely." the speaker stated, and walked away, back towards the steps. Avaria crossed her arms. She wanted to mutter something under her breath about rude comments, but didn't out of respect. Then she smiled when her Ghost replied "I did. I'm sure of it."

As they walked out, her Ghost added "We're in this together now."

He nodded. "right."

End notes:

So yeah, this chapter actually got away from me. I had a smalll conversation in my mind between my character and her Ghost, which didn't get written. But It'll probably get covered in the next chapter.

And hopefully I'll be able to get back to the comedic stuff.

I know I went a little off-script when Avaria woke up, I sort of wrote it out of memory, but then I remembered not everyone woke up in the cosmodrome. I mean, there's hundreds of Gaurdians, right?

Anyway, I love reviews, also. It's my fuel to keep writing.

More soon! 


	6. Aliens!

They walked back out onto what the sign in the hall said was the Tower Watch, but Avaria thought it looked more like a courtyard or something. Her Ghost's voice in her ear startled her again. "You need to go talk to the Vangaurd Leaders. They coordinate the Gardians' missions and organise the fireteams."

"The who, the what?"

"Yiur fireteam. You will be placed with two other Gaurdians, of the other two classes, to create a balanced team."

"so which class am I?"

"You are a Hunter."

"Okay, what are the other two?"

"there are Titans, who have great strength and heavy armor, and the warlocks, who have intellect and..." her ghost paused a moment before finishing. "Almost supernatural abilities."

"Oh."

A moment's pause, then her Ghost asked, "Do you remember your name, Gaurdian?"

"No, I don't remember anything."

Her ghost beeped "That's understandable. You were dead a.." Avaria also said "A very long time." and sighed. "So you keep telling me."

Another pause then, "Do you have a name, Ghost?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"My designation is Pixel. But Gaurdians are not allowed to speak our names."

"Really."

"They are not even supposed to know them."

They rounded the corner, and Eris Morn declared in that wavering voice "The darkness is coming! it's voices wail in the night!"

"EEYAA!"

Avaria flailed and ran backwards around the corner, eyes wide, shaking. "what the hell was that!?"

"That is Eris Morn." her ghost sounded amused.

Avaria peeked timidly around the corner. Eris whispered "It seeks to consume all light." Avaria ducked back around the corner. "Okaaaay. Super-creepy three-eyed thing standing right there." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Do I have to see the leaders right now?"

"Trust me, Eris Morn is allways there. She never leaves the tower."

Avaria groaned, took a deep breath and edged around Eris staying close to wall quickly. She turned around and ran into a HUGE... She looked up and blinked. He was wearing armor, she figured he was another Gaurdian. "Sorry." she mumbled, walking past the giant. "Was that a Titan, ghost?"

"yes."

She walked Lord Shaxx, wondering what his "Crucible" thing was. On the left, some kind of a robot-thingy greeted her. She stopped to look at it a minute before walking to the door of the room where the Vangaurd leaders were.

Avaria stopped. "Umm... that one guy is blue."

"That is commander Zavala. he is awoken."

"Do I even want to know what that is?"

"The awoken were created in the reef. Nobody knows how or how long ago."

"He's an alien, isn't he."

"You keep saying that like it's a bad thing."

She looked over to the left.

"And a robot in a hoodie. I don't want to know. But you're probably gonna tell me anyway, aren't you."

"That is Cayde 6. He is an Exo."

"Ex-what?"

"No, an Exo." her ghost repeated slowly.

"So it's a robot."

"HE is a person just as much as you or any other gaurdian."

"So He's an AI then?"

"No."

"Why does he have a horn?"

"It's ...you know, I don't know." A puse, then "Maybe you should ask him."

"Guh."

She walked in going to the right.

Ikor a Rey said "Greetings, Gaurdian."

Avaria stopped, thankful there was at least one human in the room.

"Hi. Umm, I'm new around here, so who do I talk to?"

"You should speak with Zavala first." she pointed to the other end of the table.

Blue Guy straightened slightly.

the name 'Blue Man Group' popped into her head, and she wondered what it was and why that randomly came to mind. She shoved it aside and slowly walked towards him.

She'd never talked to ...someone not from Earth before. What should she say?

She stood there for a second, loking up (Way up) at him 'this guy is huge!' she thought

"Gaurdian."

she blinked "umm, hi."

"I take it you are new to the tower?"

a nod

"You must have many questions."

another nod.

"Well go on, no need to be afraid."

Avaria thought for a second, then

"Where are we? Are you really from outer space? What planet? Is it cold there? Why are you blue?"

Zavala blinked, caught off-gaurd for a second.

Cayde laughed "Wow, that's awkward."

She looked at Cayde, then realised she was staring. "What? do I have something on me?" He brushed at his sleeve.

Behind her, Zavala said "I think you should speak with Cayde, he is the Hunter Vangaurd leader."

Now entirely embarrased, Avaria mumbled an apology and went around the table. Cayde looked amused for a minute, then said "So we got a new Hunter, huh? I'd toast your arrival, but I'm supposed to be all reputable and stuff now." Avaria smiled slightly, not sure how to take the comment. He continued. "First things first, go see Amanda Holiday, she's the shipwright around here. She's probably gotten a good look at your ship, maybe even repaired it by now."

Avaria nodded and walked out. 


	7. The Cleaning Lady

**A/N:** Not based off gameplay, based off actual experience. I work in fast food, not saying where, but this actually happened to me. I wanted to write this SO BAD the first time I had to do this, and today was the second. Please keep in mind, I usually work in the back, so the cleaning was actually like a mini-vacation at work for me (so much easier than running around hurrying to do stuff).

I love my job, and when this happened the first time, it just popped into my headspace that "This would probably what Lavender would have to do after the dancing incident", which in real life this cleaning assignment happened to me about two days after I wrote that chapter. I laughed the whole time I was daydreaming/cleaning at work for this.

Any complaining is sort of based on sarcastic comments made. I wasn't upset about having to clean, but my fanchar is. I was so amused, I nearly busted out laughing at work. That's all I'm saying. LOL.

* * *

Lavender grumbled as she walked through the kitchen area of the diner, a bucket of soapy water in one hand, a handful of dish rags in the other. "One minute i'm saving the universe, the next I'm scrubbing the undersides of dining room tables." She sighed and headed out to the dining area, hoping it was devoid of people.

The customers had been suprised at first to see a Gaurdian in the restaurant, but Lavender had just smiled and told them that she was just trying to help out in her free time (meanwhile cursing inside her headspace). But, that had been her sentence. She regretted ever coming back, but the Tower was her home. And no matter how long a person could duck authority, they eventually had to show up and 'face the music', so to speak.

-FLASHBACK-

The trio teleported in, hoping their ships' transit logs hadn't been registered. Suddenly, Zavala's voice boomed over the loudspeakers. "Fireteam Boob Squad, report in immediately."

"Darnit." Red headed for the Cryptarch's booth, trying to buy herself more time. Quantum glanced at Lavender. I, Um, gotta check on my cat." and headed for the lifts

Last Lavender had checked, pets weren't even allowed in the tower. And what the heck was a cat, anyway? She let her head drop, considering going to the lounge. Or, even, going to orbit. She folded her arms. "You know what, I'm not going in there alone." she considered jumping off the tower, but decided one strike against her was enough. She just waited.

She spotted their tree. She ran over and climbed up in it. "If they're not going, neither am I." She had a clear view of the plaza. Two minutes later, Red had visited the Cryptarch's booth, and wandered over to the vaults. Lavender jumped down and wandered over. She stood next to her Warlock-class teammate, who didn't notice her till she turned around.

"Hey Lavender."

she slowly said "Red, Hi." She noticed the Warlock looking around. Red finally asked "Where's Quantum?"

"She said she had to go check on her cat."

"She doesn't have a cat. Wait, what's a cat?"

"Hm. Thought so. I have no idea. She probably left." Lavender looked around, finally sighing. "You know we can't keep avoiding this though." she kicked at the ground.

Red replied defeatedly "Yeah. You're probably right."

Lavender took a deep breath then said "I'm gonna go talk to them."

Red didn't move, but said "Good luck."

"Thanks. Wait, aren't you going to?"

"Oh, I will. I just, uh, have to get a couple more things out of my vault real quick." she turned back to the vault access tower, and Lavender tried to summon the willpower to walk down the steps to the Hall of the Vangaurd.

Slowly she made her way down the steps, past Eris Morn, halfway into the adjacent room she stopped, wondering if she could still make it into orbit before they saw her. She steeled herself, telling herself "No, it was a stupid childish mistake. I was led into doing this, it wasn't my idea."

She walked in.

Down the steps.

She looked at the floor, trying not to look anyone in the eyes. She knew that would be a bad idea. She really wanted to be facing the Hive rather than their leaders right now.

She walked past Ikora, halfway down the table, dodging Zavala's glare. "Gaurdian." He could be really scary when he used that icy tone. He paused a moment, then continued. "Just what do you think you think you were doing two days ago?" she shuffled in place, eyeing the floor.

"Umm..."

Another moment passed. She felt her face turning red.

"Explain yourself."

She felt tears forming. She shoved them back. "I'm sorry. My friends and I... we were.."

"You were intoxicated."

"Uh, no. kinda. Maybe?" she looked up. "It was their idea, I mean, I was.. I kinda." she trailed off. "I am SO SORRY!"

"Mmm-hm. Well you know I can't just let this sort of thing go. what your fireteam did was extremely insubordinate."

Lavender winced slightly, hoping it went unseen. there was an awkward pause, and Lavender squeaked out I'mSorryIt'llNeverHappenAgainPleaseDon'tBanishUs.." she took a deep breath.

Cayde rolled ghis eyes "Would ya' tell her allready?" Zavala gave him a look, then back to Lavender. "Your actions were extremely unbecoming of a Gaurdian, so in penance of your actions, I am hereby ordering you to submit to community service in the city below."

Lavender wilted a little.

"I will let you know for how long that will be for. You will report in tomorrow morning to begin."

Lavender ducked her head. "Yes sir." She waited a moment to make sure he was done talking, then walked out.

-PRESENT MOMENT-

Lavender swore under her breath as she sprayed off the top of the back of another chair. She could have sworn it was the clear paint wearing off. But, if they said it was finger-grease and if they wanted her to scrub it for another hour, she had to do it. Besides, it beat the previous day's work. She finished with that and sat down, ducking her head to scoot underneath a table. "Can't even have my hood. or my scarf." she scoffed. "Or my boots. Dang, I love my boots."

They had made her wear special grease-resistant shoes. She actually _was_ thankful for that. She hated to think what would happen if she slipped and fell...she missed her Ghost. Yeah, and then there was that. The Vangaurd leaders had taken her Ghost. Just to be sure she would behave. Or, she guessed that was why. She wanted to go back up to the tower and throw herself off it, just to see what would happen.

But here she was, prying who-knows-what-it's-called off the underside of dining room tables. She winced as her rag dripped, catching her in the cheek. A group of humans came in, speaking a language she hadn't heard before. She thought they might be new to the city, but wasn't sure.

One of them motioned to her and said something in their language. the others laughed. She could feel her face turning red. "Great. Gaurdian who tries to help save the universe, demoted to a cleaning lady. Fan-flippin-tastic." she hurriedly finished and moved to the other side of the eating area.

She didn't mind cleaning, but being made fun of while doing it was just plain demeaning. but, she was supposed to be polite to the diner's customers. She went back to scrubbing the black marks off the underside of the table, scrunching up her nose at the stuff.

She was near the ordering table, and one of the waitresses called out jokingly "Bed you hate your life right now."

Lavender remembered why she was here and replied "Yeah, kinda. But it's okay. Beats the armor off of running around like a headless chicken." It wasn't that bad. Only Twenty-nine days to go, right?

Lavender sighed to herself. She hoped every day would be as easy as this. But not as disgusting.

* * *

 **End Notes:**

So yeah, heh. I work in the grill area, and it usualy does get pretty busy, and there's a lot of back-and-forth movement. Fry this, grill that, etc. And the first time I did this cleaning job, I found about four peices of chewing gum on the underside of the tables I was cleaning. Not gonna lie, I was like WTF!? but it still beats having to run back and forth.

I think a lot of the poeple I work with thought I hated it, and that I was miserable, but it's such a slower speed than I'm used to, it was really great. I refer to cleaning as "goofing off at work". Call me crazy, but I did enjoy it. LOL.

And yeah, the who-knows-what in the fic was supposed to be chewing gum, but I wasn't sure if it even exists in the Destinyverse.


	8. Sparrow Thief

A/N: There is a Tower announcement in-game where Cayde-6 comes across the comms looking for his stolen sparrow. that'll be included in the fic. One of my friends and in-game teammates, Red, set this as his cellphone ringtone. Now, every time I call him he asks me why I stole Cayde's sparrow. "You know you'll get caught eventually." has been added in there a few times, too.

Today this plot bunny bit me. Hard. At work.

This is all your fault, Red. Also, I love your ringtone. Don't change it, please.

=0=0=0=0=0=

"Hello. This is cayde-6 of the Vangaurd. I realise this is an abuse of the Tower PA, but whoever took my Sparrow, I will find you. And you'll wear a sign that you stole- nevermind NEVERMIND! It's right here. It's fine."

Red and quantum exchanged a knowing look. Avaria Lavek, AKA Lavender, or 'Lav' as her teammates had dubbed her, walked across the Tower watch, a slight bounce to her stride. They gave her a look, but neither said anything.

-ONE WEEK LATER-

The sparrows lined up on the starting line of the racetrack. About seven or eight of them, in varying colors. One, second from the right, was a bright aquamarine colored sparrow, splashed with orange, and adorned with the SRL - Sparrow Racing League - colors.

The cameras had been placed around the track, and the male announcer began "Hello folks, it's a lovely day for the races." The sound of revving engines could be heard in the background. "Welcome to the Sparrow Racing League Championship finals. Today we have the usual favorites, along with a newcomer to the races, first-time championship racer Avaria Lavek."

Down on the commons level, Red And Quantum sat at the bar of the Restaurant, glued to the holoscreen.

The riders all focused on the Track ahead as the announcer continued. "It's a three-lap race fo the final victory. There are some hairpin curves, as well as obstacles on the track the racers will have to avoid."

The screen cut to an image of a forklift, placed in the middle of the track right after a ninety-degree turn.

The holographic light beeped. yellow once, twice...

Avaria narrowed her eyes and lowered herself forward.

BEEP!

The hunter gunned the throttle and the finely tuned high-performance engires roared to a start.

"And it's down the straightaway. Lefty is pulling forward... Booster's trying to get in to pass.

the pair collided, sending the one they called "Booster" spiraling off the track.

"Oh, and we have a racer down allready!"

The group shot into the first turn and Lavender saw her chance. A tiny opening as the other riders parted, some trying to stick to the inside, the other four drifting toward the outside. She hit the boost and shot past them. The announcer, unbeknownst to her, sounded excited.

"Oh! and the rookie is breaking away to take the lead!"

Lavender kept one eye on her HUD. The first sharp turn was coming up. Time to take advantage of the track.

just before the turn Lavender slammed on her brakes and yanked the handgrips of the Sparrow to the left, leaning in to shove the back to the right. It worked and the sparrow drifted completely sideways around the ninety-degree turn to accelerate straightforward. The Huntress yanked the sparrow left to avoid the first obstacle. The forklift. Lavender laughed as she heard swearing behind her. On the vidscreen several of the riders had slammed into the "forking forklift" as they had started calling it.

Loudly.

The announcer continued. "Next is the treacherous snakeback pass. This has taken out many a racer for good. Let's see who of the more experienced racers can handle this stretch of raceway.

Lavender's sparrow screamed toward the tight set of S-curves. The huntress reached the first and the sparrow tilted to the left, angling sharply as it skidded through the first curve, then swung sharply to the left, tilting at a near-fourty-five degree angle.

"I-I don't believe it! how did she do that!?" a moment passed as the other racers followed, one in the back crashed headlong into a wall, his sparrow smoking at the front. "Oh. looks like we have another racer out of the race. Let's get back to him in a minute, shall we?"

Another curve, this time a u-turn. The Aqua-and orange sparrow now in the lead slammed on her airbrakes, doing a u-turn around the final turn. Two other racers behind her slammed into each other, sending the one closest to the wall through it.

"Gaurdian down."

The announcer winced. "ooooh. That one looked like it hurt.

Lavender grinned, turning up the throttle again. Only two more racers behind her. But she knew this beautiful Aqua-Orange colored Sparrow was a finely-tuned racing machine. They caught up, one on either side. She glanced left, right, then hit her booster.

"WHAAAT! I DONT" BELIEVE IT! THE ROOKIE WONT THE RACE! THE ROOKIE HAS TAKEN THE TOURNAMENT TROPHY!

Lavender grinned and hopped off the sparrow, pried of her helmet and dropped it to the ground, grinning from ear to ear.

In the Hall of the Vangaurd, Cayde wasn't so happy.

"WHAT!? I don't believe it!" in front of him was a video feed of the SLR races.

Blue optics narrowed at the figure on the screen.

Lavender strolled across the Tower watch, an easy smile on her face. The trophy had been transmatted to her Quarters, and the borrowed Sparrow had been hand-delivered to Amanda Holiday for repairs, tuning, and a wash and wax job anyone would be proud of. Sure, it hadn't been cheap, but anyone who didn't appreciate, even covet such a premium hunk of metal should just be ashamed of themselves.

Suddenly, the Tower comm came on. And the voice did NOT seem happy.

"This is Cayde-6 of the Vangaurd. Avaria Lavek report in immediately. That means NOW.

Lavender stopped cold. "Oh no. He knows." She gulped.

Red appeared suddenly behind her, startling her. "I told you so."

"Eep!" she whirled. "Red! don't startle me like that." Instead the Warlock just looked smug. She added, voice teasing "You'd better go. You don't want to keep your leader waiting."

Lavender practically did an anime-wilt. Then, she got an idea.

Down she went, toward a very cross looking Cayde-6. the Hunter placed his hands on his hips. "Uh-huh. You didn't think I would find out, did you?"

Lavender just gave him unintentional puppy-dog eyes.

Cayde waggled a finger at her to come closer. "Come here. I told you what would happen." He pulled something out from a drawer.

Lavender sighed and plodded over, so the Exo could pin it to her cloak. she paused, glancing over her shoulder. "Wait- you're not *sewing it on*, are you?"

"Yep. You are gonna WEAR it." he added "Until I say otherwise."

=-THE NEXT DAY-=

Lavender grinned and waved to the cheering civilians and Gaurdians alike as she slowly strolled through the tower toward the Hall of the Vangaurd. Cayde looked up at all the commotion and noticed all the cheering, Lavender waving like she'd just won a trophy -again "What the-"

Lavender walked up, a huge grin on her face. Cayde scrutinized her for a second before looking behind her. "What is- turn around." Lavender hummed and turned her back to him. Not only had she left his "sign" there, (I stole Cayde's sparrow) she had added her own below it. This one read

"And all I got was"

and there was an image of the Sparrow Racing League Trophy, and under it read

"THE SRL TROPHY!"

Cayde gawked, then asked "Wait- is -is that.." if he had eyebrows they would have ben raised "EMBROIDERED INTO YOUR CLOAK!?"  
Lavender turned to face him, mischief dancing in her eyes, her grin matching that of a chesire cat. "Yep. And I am *so* keeping this whole cloak now. Thanks, boss."

She turned on her heel and waltzed out, leaving a very stunned looking Cayde-6 behind her. He recovered about the time she reached the Crucible stands just enought to hear "Patrols. All three of you are doing patrols for the next year!"

Lavender laughed and walked out, amidst the cheering congratulations of those around her.

-THE END-

\- 0 - 0

End notes: I have never actually participated in any Sparrow Racing League events, though I have always wanted to and have watched several videos of them.

Secondly, I'd like to think of the setup of this being like a NASCAR race, only much shorter.

Also I think Cayde's Sparrow is a very finely-tuned high-performance racing Sparrow. i have a thing for fine racing cars. And I've played a LOT of Gran-Turismo. 1, 2, 3, and 4. I hope I got the descriptiveness of the leans into the turns and drifting around curves right. I've actually been to live Motorcycle races. I was in awe. Let's just leave it at that.

and Red, Thank you for inspiring me. You're awesome.


End file.
